Anyone You Know?

Now I’m just as red-neck as the next central Illinoisan, but this offends every fiber of my being and that, my friend, takes some doing. Will you look at that duct tape, must be four or five inches wide and just barely sufficient to get the job done. You can’t convince me that this kind of thing happens by accident. “Well, doc, I was in my garage cleaning up and I came across this industrial size roll of duct tape and then I started playing with it and one thing led to another….well you can see the results! You can level with me, tell it to me straight. Will this be an outpatient procedure? Better yet, does Blue Cross/Blue Shield cover such an incident?”

I’m more inclined to think this poor fellow was partying at the frat-house and happened to be the first unsuspecting soul to have over-imbibed and passed out. You never know how low a bunch of bored drunk friends will stoop until it’s too late! Although you can’t see them, crocodile tears are forming in the corners of my eyes right now. Can you image the hide that will come off when that tape is removed? Is it like a band-aid? Do you just yank it off quickly, praying that the sting will dissipate as quickly as the tears formed in your eyes? Even if you work up the nerve to attempt the band-aid removal technique there’s the problem of reach and leverage. As much as I hate to admit it, this is not a one-man endeavor. I suppose the bottom line is, poor pun intended, how good of a friend do you have to be to help out, and more importantly will you tell anyone that you assisted?